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Beading Advice Strikes Again! |
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Written by Dara Spiotto
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Monday, 26 November 2007 |
MORE TO SAY FROM BEADY…
Dear Beady, My husband has told me to cut back on my bead spending. Now when I shop at the bead store I’m constantly looking over my shoulder to see if he’s spying on me. My purchases must be kept secret. He says he’s going to put me in a 12 step bead program if I don’t slow down. What can I do? ~ Need a Quick Fix in Topeka
Dear N. A. Q. F., There are ways, my dear! Continue your shopping. When making your bead purchase, simply use your check book. Instead of writing the name of the bead store in your check ledger, write a local grocery store instead. Then make sure you make something wonderful for dinner that night. He’ll never know. And with a full belly, he won’t care! This may seem extreme, but it will save your marriage!
 Dear Beady, I’ve recently turned my best friend onto beading, but she’s doing something that really irritates me. She doesn’t call things by their right names, and she’s making herself look like a chump! For instance, the other day we were shopping in my favorite bead store and she yelled out to me, “HEY! Where do they keep the pin heads here!!” and so I yelled back, “They’re called head pins and they’re over here!” and then I crawled under the class table to hide. Have I created a monster? How can I show my face in that store again?? ~ Bright Red in Boise
Dear Red, Weren’t we all there once? You just need to calm down, and make yourself something pretty, like a new toe ring. You’ll feel better, and then when she makes a dumb comment again, you can boot her in the butt with a foot that’s stylish!!
 Dear Beady, Today I went to work with a new outfit, new shoes, and a new jacket, all to accommodate the gorgeous beadwork I finally finished last night. It took me weeks to make it, and it’s a stunner! When I got to work NO ONE COMMENTED ON IT. I got, “Nice shoes.” and “Pretty jacket.”… but not even one person said that my beads were FABULOUS! By the end of the day I was so hurt and angry I nearly quit. I need your advice. ~ Phumed in Phoenix
Dear Phumed, As well you should have! That is no environment to be spending any time. Obviously those people don’t appreciate good designing and why would you want to spend your time with tasteless igits? Seek new employment ASAP. Oh, and kudos to you for buying new clothes and shoes to go with your beads. High five!
Dear Beady, This morning my dog mistook a bowl of vintage glass beads for his kibble. I know this because there were beads scattered all over the floor (he’s a messy eater!) and he was burping and had glassy, watery eyes. Now he’s laying like a lump on the floor and doesn’t feel good. What can I do? ~ Panicked in Peoria
 Dear Panicked, Emergency! Oh my gosh… you’ve got to do the Heimlich maneuver on him as quick as possible! Otherwise you’ll be out in the back yard with a pooper scooper! That’s no way to retrieve your precious beads! And for goodness sakes, get a hamster instead.
Dear Beady, What’s wrong with me that I couldn’t care less about AB finish? Crystal is blinding enough as it is, I don’t need some rainbow strobes damaging my retinas. Am I the only one? ~ Sparklie Enough in Rancho Cucamonga (Yes, there really is such a place!)
Dear Sparklie, Yes, you are, but it’s ok. Why do you think Swarovski makes it both ways? Personally, I think the more glitz and glam on my beads the more hypnotic and irresistible they are. But as they say, to each his own. If you don’t like AB, then MORE FOR ME!
 Dear Beady, Is it true that if I wear the a bead with the evil eye on it will keep the evil eye at bay? What exactly is the evil eye? And, um, is it watching me? You know, like, all the time? ~ Paranoid in Pittsburgh
Dear Paranoid, It's true. If you wear evil eye beads it will stare down all the badness in the world and you’ll be protected. Oh, the evil eye is actually your husband who’s keeping tabs on your bead bill. Don’t give him access to your monthly credit card statement. He’ll sleep better at night.
Dear Beady, I write a blog on my friend’s bead web page. Sometimes I just seem to spurt out assorted bead goo and it has no relevance whatsoever. I’m worried that I’m killing off my reader’s beady brain cells. Is this fair??? ~ Dara in Upland
Dear Dara, Yes, it is. Any good beader knows that they need assorted bead goo to fulfill their bead fix each week, in case they don’t have time for actual beading. Keep rambling so that we can have a break from our jobs and housework. Even if it's blah blah bead bead blah blah blah. We need you.
Comments? Questions? Complaints? Send them to Beady, and she’ll fix you right up!
PS…
After the last Dear Beady post I received an e-mail from Badlands Barbara with some advice for Clumsy in Cleveland. And I quote…
“Hi Beady,
Tell Clumsy in Cleveland to get a small magnet and run it across the carpet the next time her needle escapes.
Badlands Barbara”
Thanks, Barbara!! |
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